Monday, 21 December 2009

Christmas TV

After recently returning home from University, I found myself looking forward to sitting down and watching a fair bit of television this Christmas. I rarely watch television at Uni, well I stare at the television, but its almost definitely always on Sky Sports News, which is just tables and graphs and information on how many Man Utd defenders are injured. So with it being a while, I thought I might branch out, give good old terrestrial a go.

On arriving home, I opened the very special, iconic Radio Times to find the pages of great films and great television that I can remember being there when I was a kid had been removed and replaced by utter excrement. Probably human. Probably some big brother, on skates, in the jungle 'celeb' that got paid to fill up this tv 'guide' with his own crap. Thats how it read anyway.

So here are my christmas shitelights.

Wednesday 23rd

The Nolans: In the Mood for Dancing (8pm ITV1)
Yes lets welcome back the Nolans. Yes, its been four long, arduous years since they decided to call it a day so it's about time for the reunion. Coleen's got some new lyrics, yep you know the ad's. No silly, the songs from the Icleland ad's about cheesecake. not her fitness dvd, the cheesecake one.
Jason Donavon must be thinking what the hell happened to Kylie.
After the success of Coleens 'slot' on Loose women it seems the other sisters want to cash in. They all want to be able to voice, their so valid opinions, just like Coleen, on issues like the state of the country and maybe within the same episode admit they have made a sex tape.

Christmas Eve

Celebrity Shock List 2009 (9pm Channel 5)
Countdown of the year's headline-grabbing celebrity incidents, featuring the likes of Katie Price and Peter Andre, Madonna and Kerry Katona. Fantastic. On the eve of what is supposedly Jesus' birth and what with Santa's visit immanent, Five produce this golden turd. This gives us a chance to read all the crap we've read again but this time with more insight. Expect aload of pointlessly employed people (Sharon Marshall) rabbiting on about people they have never met, but idolise, but also seem to love their very downfall.

Quickly followed by

Simon Cowell: Where Did It All Go Right? (11pm Channel 5)
Yes after over two hours of celeb bashing prior to this, Five feel the need to make sure to EVERYONE watching knows that its safe to stick our heads back up, and firmly into the celeb's arse's. This is a profile of the man with comments from numerous celebrities, also sticking there own ego-filled heads up Simon Cowell's already overflowing egotistical anus.

Slither (12am Channel 4)
A Channel 4 Premiere where "a meteorite crashes in a small rural town, infecting a local man with a virus that mutates him into a flesh-eating monster. The creature promptly spawns a swarm of alien parasites, which take over their victims and transform them into bloodthirsty zombies." Sounds fairly similar to what's on Five does it not ?
All abit too festive for me

Christmas Day

About A Boy (5pm ITV2)
If you missed this twice already this week on the same channel. Yes, great consistency from ITV2, 'if we put it on that much they will surely have to watch Hugh (The Typecast) Grant's soppy and pathetic portrayal of an 'english gent'.

Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special (7pm BBC1)
They-can't-seem-to-fit-anymore-words-in-there-can-they ? So they have dropped the vulgar word 'celebrity'. Hurrah. But alas, sadly every still knows the score. I just want this programme to die.Even the 'professional dancers' have become famous. Take that knob Brendan Cole. Over 60 Celebrities have taken part over 5 years. Depressingly Astonishing. Why O Why ?

Katie: My Beautiful Face (8pm Channel 4)
I imagine around 8pm I will start getting a bit peckish again after my Christmas dinner, so I'm glad Channel 4 have deemed it necessary to show the story of '24-year-old model and budding TV presenter' Katie Piper around now.The programme documents how Katie became the victim of an acid attack that disfigured her face. Is it just me or this programme not really right for Christmas day.
Prime time enjoyment eh ?

Apolgies for the rant. I could just not watch any TV i suppose but I think I'm more angered at the fact people will watch these shows.

By the way, I am on 'The Grumpy Guide to Christmas' on Christmas Eve with fellow mardy arse Bobby Davro.

I'll have some work up soon and what with nothing on the box I should get a fair bit done.

Merry Christmas

Thursday, 19 November 2009

The Dog Days Are (Nearly) Over

Four thousand seven hundred and seventy three words into my dissertation. Somehow I have only managed to write Melanie Sykes' name three times.
Can you tell I'm all about writing the numbers nowadays,tha' knows it bumps up your word count.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Exotic Plug Sockets

Just Afew New Images n tings

Peggy Sue - Once We Were Strangers. Big Up !!!

Some Facts And That.

An Image From Egypt.


Forget Frost/Nixon...

..Here's Ferguson/Casson.

A battle of wit,humor and sex appeal.
For my Learning Proposal I decided to stage a Television Interview.
Strongly influenced by Man to Man with Dean Learner and Bang Bang Reeves & Mortimer, I wanted it to be very low quality and humorous. Although, as with all things illustration it needed as much content as context.


Part I...

Part II....

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Bonnie + Clyde

Apparently more than just a Beyonce and Jay-Z song...

..."Bonnie + Clyde were famous bank robbers. Little did these loverbirds know The Royal Bank of Scotland would never be the same again."

Spaghetti Western

"This is recognised as evidence of the first ever "blind date". Ironically between a Cowboy man and an Indian fellow. They ate spaghetti."

(Learning) Proposal Schmosal

We have to write a learning proposal 'that confirms the design issues I am addressing in Level 6'. Level 6 is the 3rd year of university not a level on Max Payne or some other Playstation game. I just want to have a laugh with my work and push it a far as possible, by blogging . So i guess i just produce as much work as possible...

Whatever happened to them guerilla gig's NME used to bum off ?

Translation : 3 people have escaped from prison

I miss me mum's Roast Dinners

Cliche Nick Griffin Post

If this tool wants people (real people not the idiots that are obviously already under his spell) to vote and to take him seriously, then surely he needs to start talking policies and reacting to more broad political news rather than just immigration, as its wearing abit thin now.Like John and Edward on X-factor....

...only thing is I'd vote for them.

Sometimes I Wonder How....

...The Sun Newspaper would present the utter tripe of celebrity 'goss' if the paparazzi didn't exist.

...I wish


Last night was the American holiday Hallowe'en, in which everyone in England gets dressed up for this largely secular event, to go trick or treating or watch films. On the other hand alot of people see it as a great excuse to get very drunk and show themselves up. A young fellow I unfortunately didn't catch the name of, dressed at some kind of Roman Soldier, approached me last night and basically quizzed me on my knowledge of the newsagents I live above. I answered to the best of my knowledge but the boy got very angry, very quickly and told my friends and I we were 'losers', with emphasis on the 'o' weather that was his spin on it or the vast amount of wkd's the young child may have had, I'm unsure.

"You lot are loooosers, I'm going to get... my friends and we are going to come back... to you. You never even go to Harlequins." Harlequins is a kebab shop down the road from me which has a couple of the same members as staff as the newsagents. Incredible. Probably the greatest argument I've decided not to get involved in. After moments of waiting outside the now prolific venue, Harlequins, the pre-pubescent cretin never came back.
Happy Halloween

Thursday, 29 October 2009


For my last project at Uni we were set the brief entitled 'Commitment'. I took this as you were to commit to something. Thinking back to what i had previously committed myself to, I remembered being in Primary School and having to look after an egg for a week.....So that was it Peter Andre was born, i say born, he was born in a pack of Tesco economy caged eggs.

As we had to hand in a project i made Peter a house and a facebook page. He currently has over 70 fans, many of which obviously think its some kind of pathetic shrine to the 'real' Peter Andre. Oh how they would be let down.

I made a scrapbook through the eyes of Peter, showing our week in images and drawings, to also hand in. The work is currently getting marked but will be put up asap.

Thank You

These are Thank You Cards i made for a brief earlier this month. We were told to create ten things and sell 9 of them before handing the remaining piece to get marked. I sold all 9 for 500% profit making a grand total of .......a fiver. I'll have Duncan Bannatyne knocking on my door soon enough.

Electric Works

Late last year we were set a live brief by the art director for Electric Works, which is a building in Sheffield for creatives. Our brief was to represent 'Connectivity' in our work. I did this illustration which would of been placed on the side of a coffee machine showing little coffee bean men working together to make drinks,for the people at Electric Works.


I did these pieces for a self directed brief at Uni. I decided to illustrate articles from the Finace section of The Times newspaper. I feel that those pages, even thought they are very interesting, look so dull and lifeless that they needed images on them.